Saturday, May 29, 2010

May 27, 2010

***Please be aware that this daily e-mail of dOrk fOrces has run out of life support. This will be the last e-mail to your workplace e-mails. If you would like to receive these e-mails at your personal e-mails, please contact me here or at
There is also the FaceBook group dOrk fOrces.
And the blOg, which is probably your best bet after today because I will be forced to post their daily instead of mass posting at the end of the week.
You can find that at
I apologize. It was a great run, but there's static about whether or not it falls within the guidelines of the company Code of Conduct, and I would hate to get anyone in trouble. :) (Yes, that includes myself)

I would like to thank the following people for helping me out with this e-mail, which I started to brighten people's days and break the monotony.
My Gal Friday…Steffi Style - Steffi Mueller - quotes, songs, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, etc.
Patricia Salazar - Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
Nick Ramos - songs, book recommendations
Scruffles (my nephew, Xzavier, from California) - songs, quotes
Suzette Santiago - picture of rising gas prices & why we can't feed everyone :)
Aimee Johnston - Learn From My Fail!
Olan Goodman - quotes
Freddy Cisneros - stories
Michael Hernandez - quotes
Brandon Haynes - songs, stories, quotes
Mat Xavier - songs, stories, quotes, and don't forget his YouTube channel blog - it is epic!
Ryan Driscoll - songs, stories
Ted Tucker - songs
Damien Forrest - songs
John Rodriguez - websites
Keith Howell - songs
Ricardo Quinonez - songs, quotes, picture (I know this is your first & last mailing. Sorry, you missed some epicness, but you can read it on the blog)
Larry Pryor - picture
Please, if I forgot anyone, let me know.


***May is National Smile Month. I hope that I made each of you smile at least once with this e-mail.***

Today is Cellophane Tape Day.

Today in History

1796 James S. McLean patents his piano
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse completes first telegraph line
1907 Bubonic Plague breaks out in San Francisco
1961 First black light is sold

Word of the Day

Waxing - to increase in extent, quantity, intensity, or power.

from the life & times of jessi bean

Watched a certain HBO series (very popular) for the first time last night. Honestly, I mean, there were funny parts, but for most of it, I was sitting there saying "huh?" while Steffi was laughing because she knew what was going on. It was fun, though.

Then, of course, we proceeded to say we were tired and going to go to sleep, but ended up facebooking each other (again) from 5 feet away. :) I love staying with Steffi. It's always a blast.

**3:30pm: A BIRD just flew smack into my window here at work. No joke. Then it flew away like nothing happened. I can hear it's thoughts. 'Dang it! That was another force field. No one saw that….just kidding.'

People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!

I need 3 volunteers for an experiment.
#1 - someone who does NOT dream (or at least doesn't think they do)
#2 - someone who dreams on a regular basis
#3 - someone who dreams more than they think is normal for a homosapien.

^This is for an experiment in lucid dreaming. It's nothing crazy. I just need you to write down how your dreaming (or lack thereof) is on a normal routine, then start eating sunflower seeds (just munch on them), bananas, and drinking one of the following teas: jasmine, peppermint or anise (with your choice of sweetener added plus a smidgeon of cinnamon and nutmeg). If you're feeling particularly crazy about the experiment, you can also add extra servings of milk, pickles, popcorn, fish, and pistachios to your daily diet. I just want t know if this really promotes, if not lucid dreaming, then at the very least vivid dreaming and the increase of dream recall. Let me know.

^Ricardo's stress reliever. Is adorable. Yes? I concur. :)

Scary Spice's Song Promotion of the Day
(there ya go, Jan. got mahself a nicky-name. because My Gal Friday said I was scary spice for posting a pic of the scorpion that bit me up on FaceBook. or MySpace. one of them)

No Ordinary Love by TobyMac
I'm a Believer by the Monkees
Happy Together by the Turtles

The Week is Almost Up Bonus
Breathe by Anna Nalick

♥for jmb♥
Emotionally Yours by Bob Dylan

My Gal Friday…Steffi Style Song Promotion of the Day

New York, New York by Frank Sinatra♥
Empire State of Mind by JayZ (feat. Alicia Keys)
Carried Away by George Strait

The Week is Almost Up Bonus/Fab Four Bonus
Beautiful by Moby

Randomness Song Promotion of the Day

We Built This City on Rock & Roll by Jefferson Starship (Thank you, Ricardo Quinonez)
Drive by Incubus (Thank you, Ricardo Quinonez)
Public Service Announcement by JayZ (Thank you, Ricardo Quinonez)

The Week is Almost Up Bonus
1976 by RJD2 (Thank you, Bryan Hawkins)


An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. ~Carl Zwanzig

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. ~Fred Allen

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar

from random friends, family, etc.

Me: I need to connect Chuck Norris to Kevin Bacon
Ricardo: Chuck Norris to Kevin Bacon?
Me: Yes.
Ricardo: Well, Kevin Bacon was in Footloose, and Chuck Norris kicks people's butt with his loose foot.

Fascinating Websites
from AND
This website lets you pick a point in the universe and enlarge it for a better view. Awesomeness.

My Life is Average

Recently I got a new laptop and made the homepage MLIA. I just opened up Internet Explorer and saw MLIA and now I don't remember what i wanted to do. MLIA.

Today, I realized that if you say "Your pants are on fire," then point at their pants, people will look down to make sure they're not. MLIA

Today I visited my 2-year-old cousin for the first time in a while. About half an hour after I got there, she pointed at my braces and asked in toddler-talk, "Why's there a necklace in your mouth?" Why, indeed. MLIA

Today, I was listening to my iPod while waiting for the bus. I started nodding and realized I was off beat. I was embarrassed until I realized no one else could hear the music. MLIA.

Today, I followed a guy all around Borders, just so i could hear him speaking french on the phone. MLIA

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Target looking at babywipes, debating which to get: Winnie the Pooh or Finding Nemo. A mother with two young children saw our predicament and suggested the Winnie the Pooh ones, saying her children love them, and she was sure our child would, too. We thanked her and bought them. We do not have a child, the babywipes were for my boyfriend's camping trip. MLIA.

Today, I learned that there are many viruses for windows computers, but only 1 for Macs. Apple makes the virus. It makes all of the icons on your desktop fall to the bottom, and if it is a laptop, and you tilt it they fall to that corner. If you restart your computer it goes away. I seriously want this virus now. MLIA

Learn from My Fail

When you’re really mad at your video games and your wife tries to comfort you by saying "if it helps I Love You!" the correct response is, in fact, "it does and I love you too" and not "your love won’t buy me a gun". #LFMF

When the TSA agent at the airport asks if you are a US Citizen, do not reply,"What happens if I say I’m not?". They will show you, very clearly. #LFMF

If that fancy new cheese you bought seems unnaturally chewy, check to see if the waxed paper backing is still on it. #LFMF

Customers are Fun

America, Land Of The Not-So-Free
Retail Houston, TX, USA

Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”
Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”
Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”
Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”
Me: “I can charge you $16 US Dollars for the anti-virus.”
Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”

Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day

"The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. "

The 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon
Special Requests from Nick Ramos

"Chuck Norris"

I cheated. I did. I went to
Chuck Norris played in The Delta Force with George Kennedy
2. George Kennedy played in The Dirty Dozen with Charles Bronson
3. Charles Bronson played in Borderline with Ed Harris
4. Ed Harris played in Apollo 13 with Xander Berkeley
5. Xander Berkeley played in Apollo 13 with Kevin Bacon

Funny Pics
from the collection

Thank you, thank you. I am here for all eternity.