Sunday, April 18, 2010

April 18, 2010

Hey, my lovelies! Myyy preciousssssss!

What a beautiful day it was? Yes? Ugh. YUCK! It was too humid! But I hope you all had an excellent Sunday, whether you're nursing a hangover from Oysterfest or poker night, or catching the playoffs, or just laying around enjoying a peaceful Sunday. Or all three!!!!!

I am SO kicking myself for missing the Lakers game AND the Spurs game. Oh well. I can see the score.

Here. Have some funnies.

:: shoves hilarities down ya'll throats ::

SONG Promotion of the day: If You Only Knew by Shinedown AND Home by Marc Broussard

Today in History

1899 - John McGraw, at 36, managerial debut as Oriole manager.
1902 - Denmark is first country to adopt fingerprinting to identify criminals.
1906 - 8.25 earthquake shakes San Francisco, California
1909 - Joan of Arc declared a saint.
1924 - First crossword puzzle book published (Simon & Schuster)
1977 - Alex Haley, author of "Roots," awarded Pulitzer Prize.
1983 - Pulitzer Prize awarded to Alice Walker for "Color Purple."
1995 - Quarterback Joe Montana announces his retirement from football.


"True not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy cause." ~Helen Keller

"The best prophet of the future is the past." ~Lord Byron

"In my writing, as much as I could, I tried to find the good, and praise it." ~Alex Haley

"Yes, Mother, I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me." ~Alice Walker

Word of the Day

disport - to frolic; to amuse (oneself)


Today we are celebrating Pet Owner's Independance Day

My Life is Average

Yesterday, I was at Dollar General with my friend that worked there helping her stock the deodorant. They were doing electrical work that made a lot of noise, and when it started, she turned to the 80 year-old man next to us and said very plainly, "The aliens are invading, sir. Take cover." He ducked. MLIA.

Today, the sock monster won. I am now wearing one black sock and one pink sock with pretty white little flowers all over it. Hopefully no one realizes that the big bad security guard is wearing one of his little sister's sock. MLIA

Today, I changed the recycling bin on my computer to "Azkaban". I then named a random file 'Voldemort". When I deleted it, a note came up saying "sending Voldemort to Azkaban." I felt powerful, but am still hoping that wasn't my missing chem project I deleted. MLIA.

Today, I was texting my friend after school. She sent me a text that said, "Whoever thought of pickling cucumbers was a genius." To which I replied, "Ew, pickled cucumbers? That's disgusting." Then she sent back, "Think about that." It took me almost 10 minutes to realize that pickled cucumbers are also known as pickles. I love pickles. MLIA.

Today, I read a story that said: "Today, I joined a group on facebook called "When I was a kid I hid my arms in my sweater and hit people my sleeves." I'm 16-years-old, and I still do that. MLIA". Young lady, I'm 42, and I still do that. MLIA

Text Faux Pas

(214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

(740): Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night.

(512): He gave Paula Abdul a run for her crazy

(301): Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.

Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day

"When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life. "

Knowledge is Power

~If your 9 month old eats duck poop while at the lake and you use the bottle of water you have with you to rinse his mouth out do not forget and drink out of the same drink bottle 5 minutes later. Your wife will be in hysterics about it for years afterwards. #LFMF

~When your otherwise strong teenager asks you to open a soda can in front of his smiling friends,don’t take it as a compliment. Soda is hard to get off the ceiling. #LFMF

~If your 3-yr-old is carrying the cat towards the kitchen muttering "kitty needs a bath," it’s really best to see what she’s planning. Especially if you have a dishwasher. #LFMF

~No matter how your father sells it, attaching a toboggan to an ATV with a bungee cord is NOT fun. #LFMF

Funny Pictures

from the collection

from the life & times of jessi bean

I can't imagine what my neighbors think of me. I mean, seriously. From 2am romps through my jungle of a yard to untangle my dog from UNDERNEATH the porch (remember I cannot bend my knee all the way) to coming home at 12am and blasting everything from country to rock to rap to opera to arabic music, to me & my son Nicky repeating all the awesome lines from Phineus & Ferb and FanBoy and Chum Chum.... I must have quite an amusing life.

People of Chase
from the life & times of you

Still the weekend. Still no stories. But tomorrow is MONDAY, afraid. Be very afraid.

Live from California
from the (mis)adventures of my nephew

Scruffles. Candy Apple. Mr. Fahrenheit.
Xzavier! He goes by so many names. I swear. Our conversations are epic.

X: Hmm, I think there MIIIIIIGHT be a Death that I'd be soooo happy about. Wow. I really am a total asshole, hahaha.

J: Uh oh. Whose death is that?

X: A damn cat, ohhh yes, I DESPIIISE that cat. I hate that I have to see that he doesn't just for the sake of someone else. GAHHH!!!

J: Cheez and rice, you sound like EAP. What is up with the damn cat?

X: EAP? I don't speak Japanese, in english please? And I think it's just being fat. Plus, its a cat! THEY'RE DUMBASSES THAT ARE USELESS!

J: Edgar. Allen. Poe.

X: Oh, I've heard of him, how do I sound like him?

J: With the cat and the I hate the cat thing....and the cat. The cat. The cat.

X: Oh, how I LOOOOVE doggies... and the doggie. And doggie. And the doggie.


X: DOGGIES!!! Then I saw a cat so my smile went blank.


Have a spectacular Sunday!