May 5, 2010

It is HOT outside. Humid. Muggy. Makes me want to



Song promotion of the day -
Free and Easy by Dierks Bentley
Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash
I'm Your Man by Leonard Cohen


Scruffles (Xzavier(nephew)) Song Promotion of the Day
Feel by Zug Izland



Today in History
from www.todayinhistory.com

1865 - First US train robbery (North Bend Ohio)
1939 - Flash floods kill 75 in Northeast Kentucky
1944 - Gandhi freed from prison
1997 - "Married With Children" final episode on Fox TV



Quotes
from www.thinkexist.com

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~Maria Robinson

“Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.”
~Robert C Gallagher



Quotes
from random friends, family, etc.

"Happy Seen-Ko Dee Mai-oh"



Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

vamoose - to leave hurriedly or quickly; decamp



Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

May is National Egg Month
This week it is National Wildflower Week

Of course, today is Cinco de Mayo!
Today is also Totally Chipotle Day!



My Life is Average
www.mylifeisaverage.com

The other night i was texting one of my more peculiar male friends. He began asking me to send naked pictures, to which i replied no. Finally, he said, "Fine, about bra and panties?" However, he never specified ME in bra and panties, so i took my cat, put a bra on her, and proceeded in taking a picture and sending it with a caption that said, "Here's my pussy." Needless to say he has left me alone since. MLIA

Today, I bought a bubble wrap calendar. You're supposed to pop one bubble every day. 2010 is already over. MLIA

Today, I found a new favorite quote: "Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." MLIA





Text Faux Pas
from www.textsfromlastnight.com

(816):
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

(614):
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

(401):
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

(903):
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.







Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day
from www.chucknorrisfactoids.com
"When Chuck Norris jumped into the ocean, he didn't get wet, the water got Chuck Norris'ed. "





Funny Pics
from the www.icanhascheezburger.com collection














Personal
from the life & times of jessi bean

I intended to go to work today to see if I could finagle some overtime, but things did not work out quite the way I had hoped today. At all. Not that it was a bad day, just...off. Way off. And no, I haven't been out drinking for Cinco de Mayo.


People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!

:( I wasn't at work today. No stories.




Live…From California!!
from the adventures of SPA (my nephew & his friends)

(metal roar) NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! NEVER! I NOW! KNOW! MY A B Cs! NEXT! TIME! WOOOOONT! YOU SING! WITH! MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!



Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com


Your kitty can’t tell the difference between her litter box and the zen garden. #LFMF

Never promise your child that "If you can catch a bird, you can keep it." Your four-year-old will catch a plague-infested seagull with a damaged wing. #LFMF

Roasting chestnuts yourself isn’t as great as it sounds if you don’t COMPLETELY score the bottom of each one: you may end up cowering in the corner of your kitchen while they explode all over. #LFMF

It doesn’t take much to break the plastic closure on the back of a bikini top, especially at the waterslides. #LFMF

When upgrading your phone and selling you previous iPhone to your mum, remember to delete all your ‘adult’ bookmarks from the browser. #LFMF






Thank you, thank you. I am here for all eternity. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

?jessi

May 4, 2010

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
o__O

Well, it is!! Except for that overwhelming gloom that settled when the Spurs lost last night.



Song promotion of the day -
Daughter by Pearl Jam
Them Bones by Alice in Chains
The Unforgiven by Metallica


My Gal Friday…Steffi Style Song Promotion of the Day-
The Nightingale by June Johnstone
Without You by Dixie Chicks
I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany (and no - not giving the 80s their girl back!!!)


Today in History
from www.todayinhistory.com

1715 - French manufacturer debuts 1st folding umbrella (Paris)
1983 - Cowboy Bob Pickett invents bulldogging
1942 - Food 1st rationed in US
1964 - "Another World" & "As the World Turns" premieres on TV



Quotes
from www.thinkexist.com

“Finding a new map in the brain is a truly exciting experience. It's a little like traveling to an unexplored island. It's literally charting new territory.”
~Christopher Moore



Quotes
from random friends, family, etc.

today is such a beautiful day, I considered a 'mental health day', but two things: I can't bail on Bale - and with my luck I'd really get sick. and then I couldn't wear jeans!!!!
~My Gal Friday...Steffi Style

Snuggles!
~Brandon



Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

iatrogenic - (of a medical disorder) caused by the actions of a physician


Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

May is Get Caught Reading Month.
My picks are House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski, and House of Sleep by Jonathan Coe.
Nick Ramos' pick is Fluke by Christopher Moore.
Please send me your own picks so I can include them.

This week is National Hug Week. Feel free to give me a hug.

Today is National Teacher Day & Star Wars Day!



My Life is Average
www.mylifeisaverage.com

Today, after taking a long shower, I looked to the shower curtain on my right to see a spider sitting on it. Me, being afraid of spiders, was about to spray it with the shower head when it hit me; this little guy had survived not only sitting next to me for a half an hour, but he also survived all of the water that had been sprayed all over the place. I couldn't kill him after that. "You feel pretty accomplished right now don't you?" I said to him. I watched dumbfounded as he raised a couple of legs at me. MLIA
**I don't think I have ever felt sorry for a spider before.**

Today, I was in the stairwell of my school with my friend when we noticed a little room filled with clocks, blueprints, and several saws. Janitors, I'm not sure what you're up to, but I'm slightly scared. MLIA

Today, I told my friend that I like to shower naked. She hit me with her purse, called me a pervert, and ran away. MLIA

This morning I spent 10 minutes waiting for my toast to pop up before I realized that the toaster wasn't plugged in. Oops. MLIA




Customers are Fun
from www.notalwaysright.com

You Be Difficult, I’ll Be Ditzy
Furniture Store | Oklahoma City, OK, USA

Me: “It’s a great day at [furniture store]! How can I direct your call?”
Caller: “I want to talk to someone about my furniture.”
Me: “Okay, is it just damaged, or did you want to set up a delivery?”
Caller: “No. I just want to talk to someone about it.”
Me: “Um… did you want to talk to your salesperson?”
Caller: “No. Just someone in the dining department.”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our floor isn’t separated into departments.”
Caller: “I bought it about 2 years ago. I just want to talk about it.”
Me: “Did you want to talk about it with a manager?”
Caller: “No.”
Me: *stops caring* “Well, I would LOVE to talk about with you! Is it pretty?!”
Caller: “What?”
Me: “Furniture is good! It’s where people sit!”
Caller: *click*



Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day
from www.chucknorrisfactoids.com

"The President has Chuck Norris on speed dial...on the red phone "

Funny Pics
from the www.icanhascheezburger.com collection









***Now, if I saw I LIKE these shoes….what would you say?***



Personal
from the life & times of jessi bean

I am not generally prone to really bad allergies like a lot of people I know, but wow. I woke up and I felt like someone had stuffed old jello up my nose. Hopefully Brandon comes back with some good allergy medication from the cafeteria. Wait. How good CAN allergy medication be when it's from the cafeteria? Ughhhh. I sound all nasally.

Did I ever tell you about Mike the waiter? Steffi & I met him at IHOP. He quit. There is a slight possibility we may have traumatized him. Now he is a security guard somewhere. I want to know who thought it would be a good idea to give this guy a gun & handcuffs. Yes. This thought amuses me highly.


People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!

Friday. IHOP. It's the last time I'll be seen out for a while. Hahahahabananahahaha. 11:15pm. Yupyup. :) Don't forget. Especially you, Mike, since you say you have a bad memory. Don't forget!

Thank you, Brandon, for picking me up some Theraflu @ the cafeteria.

There are little tiny silver stars all over the floor in A2 by Brian's area…. I am still 5 years old inside and terribly fascinated by shiny things. I am fighting a very strong urge to go pick them up and scatter them on my desk. I need glitter for my desk. Does anyone have any glitter that has NOT been walked on that they can sprinkle on my desk? I like glitter. I like shiny things. Yup. Still 5 years old.

Thanks, My Gal Friday, for the awesome pic.




Live…From California!!
from the adventures of SPA (my nephew & his friends)

I heard nothing from my nephew last night. Nothing. This worries me. John says it is probably because he is sleeping, but I know better. This IS my 17-year old nephew we are talking about. Sleeping. Ha.



Random Funnies
from www.ahajokes.com

Top twenty things to do at a drive thru


Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.

Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.

Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.

When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.

Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

Ask how they fit into that little box.

If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?"

When asked if they can take your order say "No, why can't I take yours?"

If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.

Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.

Honk your horn the whole way through the line.


Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com


Ladies, if you ever find yourself replacing old ceiling tiles, wear a normal T-shirt and maybe a hat. A low cut tank-top gives excellent access to a dead mouse. #LFMF

When putting up the new shelves in your kids room, make sure to keep your long beard away from the power drill. #LFMF

if a car battery is labeled "Do not turn upside down!" it is not because something funny is written under it. on a related note: acid stained jeans do not benefit from being put into the laundry, neither does anything else in there… #LFMF

Don’t use hand sanitizer before you cuff your cigarette to light it… your hand WILL light on fire. #LFMF

NEVER, under ANY circumstance, accept a "How many Taco Bell tacos can you eat in 5 minutes" challenge from your ‘friends’ especially the night before your 13 hour flight to Germany. They know what they’re doing. #LFMF

LFMF is not a list of challenges, dares and suggestions. #LFMF

A gulp is not a sufficient unit of measurement when it comes to cough syrup. In fact, one large gulp can lead to being awake at 4 am making new friends with shadow puppets. Always measure.






Thank you, thank you. I am here for all eternity. Have a terrific Tuesday!

♥jessi

May 3, 2010

Welcome to a new month. That whole April showers bring May flowers thing? Yeah. Let's apply that to here! I know, well, I at least, had a horrible month of April, so hopefully May will bloom. Yay! Let's make San Antonio #1 site in Chase, yeah? It's Salsa Month, too. Don't forget that. Keith, if you actually read these, can we get a Salsa Day here? Please? With Salsa on top? Hahahabananahaha. Oh, and to those who receive this at other locations, I am sorry. I ♥ you all, but….San Antonio is going to be #1!

Also, the Spurs are playing tonight! I can be a fan of many teams, but my Spurs are #1. :) Go Spurs, Go!

Today's guffawing was caused by the first on the Learn From My Fail. O. M. G.

Read a book. Like… "House of Leaves" by Mark Danielewski. Your perception of reality (and your sleep) will never be the same again.



Song promotion of the day -
Paralyzer by Finger Eleven
Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman


My Gal Friday…Steffi Style Song Promotion of the Day-
Landslide by Stevie Nicks


Today in History
from www.todayinhistory.com

1494 - Jamaica discovered by Columbus; he names it "St Iago"
1765 - 1st US medical college opens in Philadelphia
1810 - Lord Byron swims Hellespont
1902 - 28th Kentucky Derby: Jimmy Winkfield on Alan-a-Dale wins in 2:08.75
1921 - West Virginia imposes 1st state sales tax
***Thanks a LOT West Virginia`***
1952 - 1st landing by an airplane at geographic North Pole
1965 - 1st use of satellite TV, Today Show on Early Bird Satellite



Quotes
from www.thinkexist.com

Today's quotes are all by Lord George Gordon Byron. Truly a fascinating individual.

"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad."

“Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.”

“Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.”

“The heart will break, but broken live on.”

“When we two parted / In silence and tears,/ Half broken-hearted / To sever for years, / Pale grew thy cheek and cold, / Colder thy kiss;/ Truly that hour foretold / Sorrow to this.”



Quotes
from random friends, family, etc.

"I wish I could close everyone here, so that we could all have a copy so we could actually sit back and relax while the clone does all the work. Now that is what I call a great society!"
~Kenneth Beach



Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

jnana - absolute insight acquired through study.


Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

May is Creative Beginnings Month.
This week is National Family Week

Today is Garden Meditation Day, Two Different Colored Shoes Day, Paranormal Day, and World Press Freedom Day.

And heads up - tomorrow is Star Wars Day. So. If anyone wants to dress up. Let me know. So I can take pics. Yes.



My Life is Average
www.mylifeisaverage.com

Today, I called the M&M hotline and told them that all of my M&Ms had W's on them. She quickly apologized and is sending me a complimentary box of them. MLIA

Last night I was watching one of my favorite shows, 1000 ways to die. Then I noticed a flaw. The guy who was meant to be dead blinked. MLIA.
**So, Terri told me about an episode of this, and just....the way she told it had me almost falling over laughing. It was about a girl who went to Mexico for cheap surgery and then died on the flight back. I mean, it's not funny. Because she died. But still. Who saw this episode?**

Today I was writing an essay for school. it was getting very late and I feel asleep. I woke up to see thousands of ZZZ's across the screen. I had fallen asleep pressing the Z key. MLIA
**Get it?? Hahaha. Z's. For sleeping? Get it?!**

Today I woke up at 1:00 in the morning to the sound of the 6-year-old girl I babysit yelling everything from my shoe size to my phone number at 3 teenage guys across the street. Thank you Molly for supplying me with 3 new stalkers. MLIA.




Customers are Fun
from www.notalwaysright.com

Safe To Assume There Are No Insecurities Here
Call Center | Los Angeles, CA, USA

(After taking the customer's name, phone number, credit card info.)
Me: “To finish creating your account, I need an answer to a reminder question. In what city were you born?”
Customer: “That is way too personal.”
Me: “Okay. We have a few other questions. What is your pet’s name? What is your favorite television show? What is your favorite pastime?”
Customer: “Ask me my favorite pastime.”
Me: “What is your favorite pastime?”
Customer: “Making loooooooove.”



Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day
from www.chucknorrisfactoids.com

"Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. "

Funny Pics
from the www.icanhascheezburger.com collection










** about the shoes….if I weren't so appalled, I would be falling out of my chair laughing. **



Personal
from the life & times of jessi bean

So, yesterday I was at my mom's house with my son, and my sister is here visiting from Beeville, and she hasn't seen me in a while. Well, my son, who thinks that me walking with the cane is not walking at all, grabs my cane away from my and tells my sister "Look! She can walk without this!" and runs off with my crutch. Ha ha ha.

He is just too cute.

Also, I need some....glucosomine chondroiten (I probably so spelled that wrong). My bones and joints....they SCREAM! And no, Mike...not for ice cream. :)

My beautiful desk.


I need some plant food. Maybe some soil. It looks like it needs to be transplanted.


ZOMG! Steffi! I found your lime!


Actually, it came from my nomnomnoms for today…





People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!

Friday. IHOP. It's the last time I'll be seen out for a while. Hahahahabananahahaha. 11:15pm. Yupyup. :) Don't forget. Especially you, Mike, since you say you have a bad memory. Don't forget!

@Mat & Bryan, whose facial hair has been majorly cut back….
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: cries silently at desk in mourning of long beards ::

@Ryan - Keith said to get with you so you can get with all your peers and we can plan a salsa day....maybe even a salsa contest. Yes. This is awesome. Don't tell me no or I will pull out my hypnotizing kit, complete with the swirly eye glasses, stone on a string, cobra in a basket, and the whole "you are getting very sleeeeeeepy" thing.




Live…From California!!
from the adventures of SPA (my nephew & his friends)

I asked for something funny from his adventures, and he told me about how he jumped off a pier and into the water and almost drowned and his friend pulled him out of the water, screaming and panicking…
I am still trying to figure out how this is funny.



Random Funnies
from www.ahajokes.com





Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com


Never assume it’s safe to leave your hyper dog in a running vehicle. He can (and will) manage to knock it into reverse, hitting the steering wheel, and back it in a full 180 degree bend into the neighboring building. Try explaining that one to the police and insurance company. #LFMF.

Just because it looks like Parmesan cheese, if it doesn’t melt in the microwave it probably is something else. On the plus side coconut shavings taste great on meatballs. #LFMF

Sometimes the last word of a sentence will get you attacked. Especially when you’re surrounded by Twilight fangirls and say "I’m team Edward… Scissorhands." #LFMF

Never, ever tailgate 4 Hells Angels on the freeway. #LFMF

Before you speed up to try to get past that light that just turned yellow, double check that it is not the intersection that you want to turn at. #LFMF

When planning on going on a hunting trip right after work, it is best to leave your rifle locked in the car, and not carry it across the street to the high rise office building you work in, on the day the President of the U.S. is going to be at the hotel right next door. The Secret Service will ask you many, many, many questions. #LFMF






Thank you, thank you. I am here for all eternity. Have a marvelous, magnificent Monday.

♥jessi

May 2, 2010

Good evening, my lovelies.

I hope you had a beautiful Sunday. There is nothing quite like Springtime in South Central Texas. It is beautiful, and the scent of the mountain laurel is just so incredible. The flowers on the side of the road - phlox, bluebonnets, etc.

Song Promotion
Pain by Three Days Grace
Break by Three Days Grace


Today in History
from www.todayinhistory.com

1780 - William Herschel discovers 1st binary star, Xi Ursae Majoris
1885 - "Good Housekeeping" magazine is 1st published
1980 - Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in Wall (Part II)" is banned in S Africa
1998 - 124th Kentucky Derby




Random Funnies
from www.hilarious.ws

Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?
Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.




Quotes
from www.thinkexist.com

"He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower.” ~Mary Howitt

“Just living is not enough... One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” ~Hans Christian Andersen

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.” ~Oscar Wilde




Chuck Norris Factoid
from www.chucknorrisfactoids.com

"The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. "



Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

***May is Motorcycle Safety Month***

***May 2-9, 2010 is National Wildflower Week***

Today is National Play Your Ukelele Day and World Laughter Day




Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

sesquipedalianism - given to using long words.



My Life is Average
from www.mylifeisaverage.com

My 4 year old son and I were playing in the sandbox. While we were playing we heard this terribly loud rustling noise in the bushes behind us. After about 15 minutes of this noise, I finally asked my son- "What is that noise?!" To which he replied very matter-of-factly- "That's the sound of the money you'd be saving if you switched to Geico." MLIA.

Today, I was sitting on the computer reading MLIA when my leg started itching. As I went to scratch it I realized that I REALLY needed to shave my legs. Then I remembered that I just shaved them yesterday so I looked at my other leg. Turns out I only shaved my left leg, twice. MLIA

Today, I was looking through my documents on my computer. I often just use documents to check my spelling. I found a document that contained only the words; substantial playtypus apocalypes. I have no clue what I needed those words for, but I'm kinda scared. MLIA




Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com

When you hear a noise in the bathroom and come around the corner with your pistol ready, make sure that the man pointing the gun at you is NOT in the mirror before pulling the trigger. #LFMF

Never laugh while using Listerine. Ever. It shot out my nose and I don’t actually remember what happened next the pain was so intense. My sinuses were never clearer though! #LFMF

When your mother tells you she is going to be on the news tonight, make sure you find out why before you tell anyone. Try explaining to your grandparents why you asked them to tune in to your mother flashing! #LFMF




Text Faux Pas
from www.textsfromlastnight.com

(303) just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals

(270) I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.

(603) You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

(207) Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
(617) I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

(207) I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

(617) We call that spaghetti Os



Have a spectacular Sunday!

♥jessi

May 1, 2010

Hello my lovelies... Glad it is the weekend. Almost had me babbling & in a padded cell this week. Can't say I have ever had a week quite like it.

So, how is your Saturday going, yeah? I believe....someone owes me glitter. I like to get paid in advance for my services.

And before all you gutter minded generationals think dirty of me, I was asked to clean someone's house (as a joke, I am sure), and I accepted the request, as long as I was paid. In glitter. Don't forget, Roger!

And....I missed a game last night and by all accounts it was a sweet game, very exciting, yes, yes. Dang it.



Song Promotion of the Day

Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris



Today in History
from www.brainyhistory.com

1006 - Supernova observed by Chinese and Egyptians in constellation Lupus
1844 - Samuel Morse sends 1st telegraphic message
1873 - 1st U.S. postal card issued
1931 - Empire State Building opens in New York City
1939 - Batman comics hit street
1961 - Pulitzer prize awarded to Harper Lee for To Kill a Mockingbird



Quotes
from www.thinkexist.com

"The less routine the more life." ~Amos Bronson Alcott

“We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.” ~Frederick Nietzsche


Quotes
from you

Send me quotes! You are ALL interesting! Must send quotes!





Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

omnific - having unlimited powers of creationg


Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

ahahahabananahahaha
This month is national Photo month. I have an excuse for my family's pet name for me....Papparazzi.

Today is Free Comic Book Day!



My Life is Average
www.mylifeisaverage.com

Today, I was reading MLIA and came across quite a few Waldo anecdotes. I realized that Waldo is a super ninja. normal ninjas dress in all black, Waldo doesn't have to. he wears ostentanious clothing and still manages to dissappear. MLIA

Today I found out that smiles are listed as one of the ingredients on Goldish. New favorite snack? I think so. MLIA

Today, I heard a joke. "All the bad spellers in the world untie!" I told my friends, they didn't get it. Even after I explained it. MLIA.

According to facebook my death will be caused by my neighbors blaring Hannah Montana songs.MLIA






Personal
from the life & times of jessi bean

Today I, uhh...spent too much time online, played Madagascar: The Great Escape w/my son, cleaned, and,...spent too much time online.






People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!

I am sure I missed something interesting @ work today. You must tell me.
It's more fun with your hands in the air like this!




Live…From California!!
from the adventures of SPA (my nephew & his friends)

I actually got in trouble for not posting a week's worth of dOrk fOrces. hahahahabananahaha.



Random Funnies
from www.ahajokes.com

Insult

Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.





Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com


If a platter of cooked salmon leaks some juice in the fridge, use paper towels to clean it up. Because one salmon-juice saturated washcloth WILL transfer that smell to every towel you own in the wash, which you’ll find out the next time you shower and press your clean face to fish-a-licious terrycloth. #LFMF.


Never assume the friend staying in your spare room is asleep. He will jump out from behind a door at 3am, when you are walking out the bathroom naked, and cause you to fall down the stairs. #LFMF

When energetically using a toilet brush inside the bowl, remember to keep your mouth shut. #LFMF



Pic Funnies
from the www.icanhascheezburger.com collection









Thank you, thank you. I am here for all eternity. Have a super Saturday!

♥jessi

April 30, 2010

Ewwww. It's HOT outside. Yuck. And this whole parking lot maintenance thing is getting REALLY old. I thought they were supposed to have it all done….last weekend. :(

Do you know how hard it is to get a headlight in a 1994 (candy apple red) Rodeo??? Ridonkulous. Yes.



Song promotion of the day -
Song for the Broken by Barlowgirl
Right Round by Flo Rida
Snuff by Slipknot
It's Finally Friday by George Jones
Put the O Back in Country by Shooter Jennings
This Cowboy's Hat by Chris Ledoux


My Gal Friday…Steffi Style Song Promotion of the Day-
George Strait!
Amarillo by Morning
Blue Clear Sky
The Chair
and as a bonus…
Where the Sidewalk Ends
"hope anyone that is lucky enuf to see him tomorrow night at the Alamo Dome has a BLAST!!!!!"


Today in History
from www.todayinhistory.com

1789 - George Washington inaugurated as first president of the United States.
1904 - Ice cream cone makes its debut.
1945 - Adolf Hitler commits suicide.
1992 - 208th and final episode of Cosby Show on NBC-TV.




Quotes
from www.thinkexist.com

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
~Ashley Smith

“Do not lose hold of your dreams or asprirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live.”
~Henry David Thoreau


Quotes
from random friends, family, etc.

"i'm like a freakin yo.yo these days.....i'm afraid i'll get tangled up on the string bouncing up and down!!!"
~My Gal Friday…Steffi Style

"there's your milkshake. now where are the boys? clearly didn't want to come to THIS yard! LoL!"
~My Gal Friday…Steffi Style (they had milkshakes….awesomeness. did anyone get a pic of this???)


Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

xanthous - yellow; yellowish


Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

Today is National Hairball Awareness Day?!??!
Also, I missed this, but April 28th was the full moon, and it is called the "Pink Moon" by the Native Americans of New England and the Great Lakes because at this time of year wildflowers, especially pink ground phlox (I promise you have seen these on the side of the road), herald the newly arrived spring.

May is National Salsa Month. Salsa Day? I think so. Who thinks this is a good idea? Keith?!



My Life is Average
www.mylifeisaverage.com

Today I saw a sign on the wall at my school that said "please do not move this chair." There was no chair in sight. MLIA

Today, my chemistry teacher randomly said, "I just got a great idea for an ad for Monster energy drink," and pointed toward the back of the room. I looked and saw a guy asleep at his desk, still holding a can of Amp energy drink. MLIA

Today, I told my mom about using "Marco Polo" to find each other in a store. We went to Walmart and, predictably, lost each other. After 30 minutes, my mom angrily walks up to me and says "I just spent a half hour yelling 'Marco' while a various number of customers and employees yelled 'Polo.' We are NOT playing Marco Polo anymore." Thank you, random players.

Today I said to my mom, "Mom, if you say gullible really slowly it sounds like ice cream." She then proceded to say gullible as slowly as she could, I looked at her and laughed. MLIA

The other night, my dad was flipping channels and MTV came on, playing Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface'. He proceeded to sing "ooh oh oh ooh, ooh oh o-oo-o-ooh" part and was thoroughly enjoyed going through "p-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face mum mum mum mah!" at the end of every chorus. After the song ended, he changed to the soccer channel and acted as if nothing happened. MLIA.
****hahahahahabananahahahahaha!!****

Customers are Fun
from www.notalwaysright.com

::sigh::
Sorry, I just could not find a good one today.

Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day
from www.chucknorrisfactoids.com

"Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry. "

Funny Pics
from the www.icanhascheezburger.com collection





Personal
from the life & times of jessi bean

Going out for coffee tonight with a friend, @ IHOP. ♥ Judging how crazy it gets when my Gal Friday & I go to IHOP, I anticipate hilarities. :)

And again, no one came with me to donate blood yesterday. I got a snazzy jazzy shirt for it, too.






People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!

Umm…no one gave me any stories! :: cries ::


Live…From California!!
from the adventures of SPA (my nephew & his friends)

My nephew made up a new word. But I can't put it here. I will post it on the dOrk fOrces FB group tonight.



Random Funnies
from www.ahajokes.com

Top Ten Things To Do While Giving Blood
by Tina Mancuso and Paul Coen

10. Watch the bag fill.

9. Hyperventilate.

8. Pull the tube out of the bag and drink from it.

7. Race to see who fills their bag first (requires two or more people).

6. Puncture the bag near the top and see whether they pull the needle out of your arm before the blood squirts out.

5. While they're not looking, substitute a bag of orange liquid and complain they gave you too much Tang.

4. Insist that you want to give 2 pints.

3. Faint.

2. Tell them you saw the bag twitch.

1. Yell, "Hey, you used that needle on the last guy!"


Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com


On your work highspeed fax/copy machine, always make sure you hit the FAX button, before you dial in the number and then walk away… It will copy until it runs out of paper. #LFMF

When referring to your boss as the "Spawn of Satan" in an email to a friend, make sure to delete it from the history and close your email program before going to lunch. Sometimes the Spawn likes to sit at your desk while planning the taking of your soul. #LFMF

When filling out forms in customs, at the question “Have you been diagnosed with TB in the past 12 months?” Answering, “No, but I did pick up a touch of Ebola during a visit to the Congo last year…” is not clever. Customs has no… *NO* sense of humour. #LFMF

Saying you did something for the lolz does not hold up in a court of law. #LFMF

Don’t flee from police unless you are in good shape. When you jump a barbed wire fence, get your shoelaces caught and end up hanging up side down, the only thing between you and freedom is a sit up. #LFMF
**I SO do NOT condone this, but it was hilarious.





Thank you, thank you. I am here for all eternity. Have a fantabulous Friday!

♥jessi

April 29, 2010

Just wow, yeah? I am parked in Timbuktu. So….yeah. Yesterday was completely insane, neurotic, crazy, mad mad mad.
When I came up here last night to pick up something from my desk, I fully intended to send out a dOrk fOrces, but….we were busy and I stayed to kill some calls from the queue. Sorry.

Whew. Woozy. No one came with me to donate blood, either. First time for me. Didn't realize only drinking coffee for breakfast would not be such a hot idea on a day when you're going to donate blood. Thank you, Keith and Bryan, for the juice and water. My head does not feel shrunken and dried out like a prune anymore.



Song promotion of the day -
Wicked Game by Chris Isaak AND the HIM rendition
Far Behind by Candlebox
Haunted by Poe
Til I Hear it From You by Gin Blossoms
Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
If You Could Only See by Tonic
Soul Girl by Stone Temple Pilots
I'll Be by Edwin McCain
Criminal by Fiona Apple

My Gal Friday…Steffi Style Song Promotion of the Day-
Nothing Else Matters by Metallica
Crazy on You by Heart
Only the Lonely by The Motels


Today in History
from www.todayinhistory.com

1813 - Rubber is patented.
1852 - First edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus published.
1905 - 2 inches of rain falls in 10 minutes in Taylor, Tx.




Quotes

"This world is only going to break your heart." ~from Wicked Game

"You and me, and these shadows keep on changing." ~from Poe's Haunted





Quotes
from random friends, family, etc.

neil diamond wasn't a bad first concert to have gone to, right? i mean - it was better than the opera!!!!
~My Gal Friday…


Word of the Day
from www.dictionary.com

valetudinarian - a weak or sickly person


Holidaze
from www.brownielocks.com

Today is Poem in Your Pocket Day. I ♥ this.


My Life is Average
www.mylifeisaverage.com

Today I nearly choked on a lifesaver. Oh irony, you never disappoint. MLIA

Today I saw a tiny bug flying around my desk. It landed on my cheek. I slapped myself in the face so hard it left a hand print. The bug got away. MLIA.

Today, I put my banana in the microwave to see what it tasted like when it was heated. The stem caught on fire. MLIA.

Today, I was chewing gum while at a stop light. I blew the largest bubble ever and frantically tried to get the attention of the guy in the next car. He looked, just in time to see the bubble burst all over my face. MLIA


Customers are Fun
from www.notalwaysright.com

Ask Her To Close All Windows Next
Tech Support | South Carolina, USA

Me: “Can you get online?”
Customer: “How do you do that?”
Me: “Do you see Internet Explorer?”
Customer: “Where do I see that?”
Me: “It should be on your desktop.”
Customer: *rustling papers* “I don’t see it on my desk anywhere. Are you sure it is here?”

Chuck Norris Factoid of the Day
from www.chucknorrisfactoids.com

"Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. "


Funny Pics
from the www.icanhascheezburger.com collection







Personal
from the life & times of jessi bean

Went to the gas station yesterday, all pumps were down, so I went to another one. When I went inside for my change, the poor lady behind the counter accidentally voided my ticket. Then the manager came out and started getting after her, and I ended up arguing with the manager because she was trying to blame the lady (it was an accident, woman!), and she didn't want to give me my change (if it had been under $10, I probably just would have walked out). Then I go to the library I normally go to to print stuff out, and they increased the cost per page to 25 cents, so I headed to FedEx Kinko's on 410 & Bandera….and it was gone.

So I go out to Castroville library (thank you, 10 cents per page), and print out over 60 pages. I realize that the last document I need is in my desk…here. So I drive out here with my son, and CA was down, so people were off the phones. He got a packet of poptarts (thank you, Kenny), and got to play with the blow up hammer. I think my son thinks that my official career is a party.





People of Chase
from the life & times of … you!





Live…From California!!
from the adventures of SPA (my nephew & his friends)

My nephew…literally used the phrase…"This girl I have the hots for." Talk about a throwback. He's 17. He's using the phrase "hots." I died laughing.



Random Funnies
from www.ahajokes.com

Rawr. Sorry. My pet dinosaur ate this class' homework.

Learn from My Fail
from www.learnfrommyfail.com


Before driving three hours to the nearest IKEA…. be sure you have your wallet. #LFMF

When flipping the bird and shrieking at a driver 2 blocks from your workplace, make sure you know EXACTLY what kind of car the new VP drives. #LFMF

Cleaning a switched-on electrical outlet of dubious safety is an excellent way to test your pacemaker. #LFMF

Never say "want to see something impressive?" to a co-worker while unbuckling your belt. Even if it’s just to show her how many belt-holes you’ve dropped since you started losing weight. #LFMF

When getting so angry at a video-game, you begin to scream death-threats that would make serial killers pee their pants, make sure the door is closed, so your grandma cant hear you. #LFMF






Have a terrific Thursday!!

♥jessi